The Kinkajou Episode: Compact Cassette Tapes, Greedy Children, and Walkabout Willy

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It’s a CCT, asshole.

It’s the penultimate episode of Season One of Everything Is Stupid! In this episode, Adam set up microphone 2 wrong, so it’s another shitty-sounding crock of shit!

On the bright side, though, the boys had some bad thoughts on some good things.

Whatever happened to cassette tapes? And why haven’t hipsters glommed onto them, yet? Cassette tapes were easy to carry, easy to transport, and it was eight tons of fun to record your band over your mom’s Yanni tapes back in the mid-1990s. You just can’t do that with a CD or MP3. Try it. We dare you.

Speaking of the long long time ago, in the before time, remember how fucking terrible and greedy you were as a little brat? We do. Trust us; you were awful.

Finally, this week we have a guest appearance from that wily Aussie, Walkabout Willy. For some reason, he decided to stop by our studio to bore us about the particulars of this week’s animal, the kinkajou.

As a bonus, Casey performs an original song for you. How sweet!

The Jaguarundi Episode: One Eye on Your Butt, One Eye on Your Face, and One Eye on Your Justice System

Yeah, I have better judgment skills than, say, a judge!

Yeah, I have better judgment skills than, say, a judge!

If this isn’t the most stupid podcast in these United States, then I have no clue what is. Every gall-blamed week, Greg, Adam, and Casey talk about the most mundane, inane, and insane stuff you can shake a stick at. Like this week, for instance:

OK. So, isn’t it neat how nature made the sphincter? I mean, really ponder on that. Most all of your mammals have a freaking sphincter. From the littlest monkey to the biggest damned whale. All of them have buttholes. And they all close up to nothing, but some of them open up to gigantically large sizes! Imagine the butthole of a blue whale, if you will. That thing has gotta be immense. Could you get inside of it? Would you get inside of it? Should you get inside of it? Hell, it borders on a new philosophy!

No segue here: Did you ever see Popeye? Not the weird-ass cartoon, or the weird-ass comic strip, but the weird-ass movie. That movie was made by one of the greatest dead directors, Robert Altman, yet it manages to have the weirdest pacing, characters, and songs this side of Forbidden Zone. And that’s weird.

No segue here, either: Jury Duty sucks. If you are ever summoned for jury duty, do absolutely everything you can in your power to get the Hell out of it. It a waste of your day, and it is a waste of the American Justice System. Casey had to go, and look at him! He ranted for damn near seven hours about how stupid it is, and now he believes that the Bill of Rights should no longer include the right to a trial by jury. This is after only eight wasted hours! Imagine if they’d actually picked his ass!

Anyhow, whatever. It doesn’t matter because Everything Is Stupid.

The Iriomote Cat Episode: Law, Fatness, and Hypocrites

Rush Limbaugh

Casey and Rush are in a competition to see who can first get their cholesterol under 250.

What’s stupid in the world, right now? A whole lot, durrrrr! In this episode of Everything Is Stupid, the premier podcast about stupid, we examine the George Zimmerman trial which is ongoing in Sanford, Florida. Yeah. Like we have any clue what we are talking about. We sit around and criticize and hypothesize and theorize what happened, how it happened, and if anyone should be punished for their actions. Plain old everyday hypocritical pundits, we are.

And if that isn’t high and mighty enough, we delve into the US Supreme Court, criticize it, hypothesize it, and theorize it. Lofty, indeed, and definitely an opinion that should be deferred to when it’s put forth by three idiots in their early thirties with no real life experience. That’s us. Oh, and we put Rush Limbaugh through the paces. Because we are way better broadcasters, and way more influential than the Right Wing’s most valuable and influential cheerleader. I mean, we have an amateur podcast we have been putting out for, what, 12 weeks?

Once we’ve gotten off of our pedestals, we take a look at Casey’s arteries, and wonder why and how he is still alive. Then we criticize his eating habits, hypothesize about how much longer he has left to live, and theorize why he has such issues with food. At least, that what I would imagine we’d say.

Lastly, fuck Jim Carrey. He is a stinking hypocrite, and we hope he chokes on his next $40M check. This week, he turned his back on a movie he recently made and was paid for, because he has an issue with its violence. Then return the check, you hypocritical Hollywood douche bag! Criticize, hypothesize, theorize.

And is this episode late? Yep, it sure is. Whatever. We’ll worry about adhering to schedules once you get three of your closest friends, enemies, or relatives to start listening.

The Hammerhead Worm Episode: Depression, Impersonations, and Family Life

It's a baked potato. Very funny, indeed.

It’s a baked potato. Very funny, indeed.

Where the Hell has Everything Is Stupid been? Well, folks, we had some important business to take care of, last week. Casey broke his hipbone tripping over his cat, and required extensive surgery to keep his active lifestyle intact. There were some complications, of course, when the lead surgeon accidentally dropped his iPod Nano inside Casey and sewed it up in there.

Adam, on the other hand, was busy with this world record he’s trying for to have the biggest sculpture of a baked potato made out of mashed potatoes. Luckily, the world record is held by the only person who ever attempted it, six-year-old Jimmy Fletcher of Dallas, Texas. And it’s roughly the size of half of a real baked potato. I don’t know what is taking Adam so long.

Greg, as would be expected, has been off sailing with Mother and Father, on a two-week long voyage from Tampa to Maine up the coastline to have a family dinner with Brother and Cousin. I guarantee there is no animosity or arguing going on during this trip. They are having a grand time, and are probably hugging at this very moment.

This week, Casey complains, Adam does another impersonation, and Greg’s life is perfect.

Oh. Also, they are no longer publishing new podcasts on Wednesdays; look for them on Sundays, instead. It’s the Lord’s day.